iStylize

Worst Pick Up Lines

2010-06-05T14:33:00.000-07:00

This is what happens when men don't think. When their brains go blank and words just spill out of their mouths. The worst pickup lines I've had thrown at me...

-"You're cuter than a pair of homemade shoes."
-"How about a game of spin the baby?"
-"Wanna do Kung Fu in the other room? I dunno how to do it but we can wing it."
-"What's your name? Do you have a boyfriend? Does he make you orgasm?"
-"If we can't f**k our bodies, can we f**k our minds? Let's try!"

And yes, they were all sober at the time. Sigh. I feel for all the single ladies out there!

5 Minute Chocolate Pudding From Scratch

2010-05-07T19:07:00.000-07:00

Throughout my husband's childhood, his mother would make her family warm chocolate pudding for dessert. He would wistfully talk of this delicious pudding, and one day asked if I could please make him some. Since she passed away before I met her, I was on my own with recreating the recipe. There were many failed attempts on my part, where it just wasn't as he remembered. I grilled him for taste and texture details, cross referenced other simple pudding recipes, and finally, on one random attempt, put a smile on his face.

That does not mean this is the "best" pudding recipe, since my own parents were ho-hum when they tried this much talked about dessert. But my husband and his siblings rave over it and it obviously sparks their memories of a time when their mother was alive and cooking for them.

This simple chocolate pudding is preferred hot at our house, drizzled with fresh squeezed lemon that just breaks the skin. It's really very simple to make and if you do try it, please leave a comment! Step by step instructional video below...

Ingredients:

1/2 cup unsweetened Dutch processed cocoa powder*
1/2 cup sugar
1 tablespoon cornstarch
1 1/2 cups of skim milk

*Droste, Lindt or Valhrona can be found in better grocery stores.

Directions:

Using a whisk, incorporate all dry ingredients in a medium sized bowl. Make sure there are no lumps.

Incorporate milk into the dry ingredients and mix or whisk very thoroughly.

Pour mixture into a medium sized nonstick pot and place over high heat. Bring to a boil and let boil for 1 minute. Stir with a wooden spoon. Lower to medium heat. The mixture will turn into a runny pudding consistency. Cook for 2-3 minutes longer, stirring frequently.

Remove from heat. It will thicken as it cools. Spoon into dessert bowls.

Drizzle fresh squeezed lemon juice over the top and enjoy!

Dating tips from an almost 2 year old

2010-01-18T11:28:00.000-08:00

I took my 23 month old to a Japanese restaurant for dinner. It was just the two of us, and I knew he would be well-mannered if I chose Asian cuisine, seeing that it's his favorite. He was gentle and patient. The rice had not arrived yet and when the waitress asked if she could get us anything else, he chimed in, "rice". I was so impressed! He happily ate his yakitori skewers, miso soup and rice. I posted an update on Facebook that I had gone on a "date" with my little man. The funny comments from my single girlfriends about where they could find a guy like that encouraged me to write this list.

1. Wear a clean shirt.

2. Leave Benny Bear and Hoo Hoo Monkey at home. They will patiently await your return.

3. Crayons and coloring books at mealtimes are appropriate if your date is into that sort of thing.

4. Keep verbal enthusiasm about airplanes and trucks in check. Let your date do most of the talking.

5. Don't eat with your fingers unless it's that type of restaurant.

6. Try to not drop your utensils more than twice.

7. Don't tattle on pint-sized patrons who forgot their manners.

8. Smile at everyone.

9. Ask your date to dance, even if you can only shuffle and clap.

10. Be generous and offer your date a bite of what's on your plate.

11. When finished eating, firmly announce, "done". Ask if your date is, too.

12. When saying good night, keep it simple. Give a gentle hug, whisper bye-bye, then quickly walk away. Turn back, pause, and blow several kisses.

Your date will be hooked and forgive you for making her drive and forgetting your wallet at home.

Gruyere, Mushroom and Bacon Cupcakes

2009-10-12T10:29:00.001-07:00

If you follow me on Twitter, @jackiefree, then you know I like to talk about food. That's how I found out about CupcakeCamp San Francisco. Yep, a venue started by geeky internet-types who also have an interest in food, sharing their homemade cupcakes and entering them to be judged by professional cupcake eaters!

I scoured the internet looking for savory cupcakes, as an alternative to the standard sweet ones, but found hardly any recipes. So, I set off on creating my own. I found one recipe for a cake, Cake Salé aux Cheddar, Fromage de Chèvre et Coriandre, and decided to adapt a cupcake recipe from it.

My recipe won Best-In-Show for Best Breakfast-Inspired Cupcake at CupcakeCamp SF 2009!!

Below is the video I made with complete step-by-step baking instructions. Enjoy and let me know what you think! :)

Gruyere, Mushroom and Bacon Cupcakes with Cream Cheese Frosting, Gruyere Crisps and Crumbled Bacon

- 1 ¾ cup all-purpose flour

- 1 tablespoon baking powder

- 1/2 teaspoon salt

- 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

- 3 large eggs, at room temperature

- 1/3 cup buttermilk, at room temperature

- 1/3 cup extra-virgin olive oil

- 5 ounces coarsely grated gruyere cheese

- 1/2 cup sliced, sauteed mushrooms

- 4 slices of crispy, crumbled bacon

Yields: 24 mini cupcakes

Put the flour, baking powder, salt, and pepper in a large mixing bowl and whisk the ingredients together to combine. Crack the eggs into another mixing bowl; whisk for about 1 minute, until they're foamy and blended. Whisk in the buttermilk and olive oil.

Pour the wet ingredients over the dry ingredients. Using a sturdy rubber spatula or a wooden spoon, gently mix until the dry ingredients are moistened and the dough comes together. Stir in the cheese and mushrooms. Add crumbled bacon. Mix until fully incorporated. You'll have a thick dough. Turn the dough by the spoonful into 2 mini muffin pans lined with cupcake liners. You can fill the liners either 2/3 full or up to the top.

Slide the mini cupcake pans into a 350F-preheated oven and bake for 15-18 minutes. Remove pans from the oven and let cool.

Frosting:

- 1 8-ounce package of cream cheese

- 1 tablespoon of buttermilk

- 1 tablespoon of powdered sugar

- 4 strips of crispy bacon

- 3 ounces of grated Parmesan or Gruyere cheese

Place the cream cheese, buttermilk and powderd sugar into a large mixing bowl. Beat on medium speed until smooth and creamy.

Crumble the crispy bacon into small bits. Set aside. Place spoonfuls of the grated cheese onto a baking sheet lined with parchment paper that's been sprayed with cooking spray. The distance between mounds is not important, as the cheese will spread while cooking. Place into a 400F-preheated oven for 8 minutes. If you notice the edges beginning to turn golden in color, remove immediately. Pat the crisps with paper towels to remove excess oil. After letting the crisps cool, break off irregular sections. Reserve as garnish.

Spoon the frosting into a thick ziploc bag, gently pressing the air out and sealing the opening. Snip a small corner from the bag; this will be the hole you pipe frosting out of. Pipe the frosting in a circular motion around the tops of each cupcake, starting about 1/4" above the cupcake liner. Gently, yet firmly, insert a cheese crisp, vertically into the center of the cupcake. Sprinkle with bacon crumbles.

When cupcakes are completely cooled, they can be stored in an airtight container for 2 days.

Pancakes with Berries

2009-09-01T12:13:00.001-07:00

I made a stack of buttermilk pancakes, but they seemed rather boring. So, I sauteed some sliced strawberries and blueberries in butter. Then I drizzled a bit of honey into the mix and put the warm topping on my cakes!

Popovers

2009-06-12T10:48:00.000-07:00

What the heck are popovers? I honestly had never eaten one. I recently watched an episode of Good Eats, and they made popovers. Did you know they are completely HOLLOW inside? Although they bake in an oven, it's internal STEAM that causes them to puff up into crunchy buttery popovers. I had to make them!

I don't have a popover pan, so I tried to make them in a muffin tin. Every popover stuck to the tin, so I tried again using cupcake liners. They came out amazing! The only change I made to the original show recipe was use less salt and add a little sugar. The first batch was insanely salty. The second batch was insanely yummy!

2 large eggs

1 cup whole milk

1 TB melted butter

4.75 oz (1 1/4 cups) all purpose flour

Dash of kosher salt

1 tsp brown sugar

Nonstick vegetable oil spray

Popover pan

Alternative:

Standard muffin pan

Cupcake liners

Turn on oven to 400˚ F.

In a medium sized bowl, whisk eggs with milk and melted butter. Mix in the flour and salt.

If you do not have a popover pan, try this alternative. Place cupcake liners, so the popovers don't stick, inside each muffin tin. Lightly spray each liner with nonstick oil.

Ladle enough batter inside each liner so that it is only HALF full. This is because the popovers will greatly expand and rise creating beautiful golden tops. There is exactly enough batter in this recipe for a standard 12 count tin. Sprinkle a small pinch of brown sugar on top of each liner with batter.

Place muffin pan on center rack of oven and bake for 35 minutes.

Makes 12 popovers

Irish Soda Bread

2009-03-30T15:40:00.000-07:00

I was in the mood to make Irish Soda Bread because it has such few ingredients! Whole wheat flour, buttermilk, baking soda and salt. That's it! No eggs, butter or other fats. It came out with a super crusty exterior and soft interior, albeit a bit dense. Note for next time: I will revise the recipe and include caraway seeds and raisins.

Doing It In The Kitchen - Fluffy Pancakes

2009-02-20T15:18:00.000-08:00

I recently started a video blog called "Doing it in the Kitchen". In the first episode I take you through the process of making delicious, fluffy pancakes. It has taken me 10 years to perfect these fluffy clouds.

Why is my pancake recipe different than yours, you might ask? The KEY is to add the exact amount of baking powder and baking soda listed. This is the secret to fluffiness. Trust me. Below is a video showing the final result! For step-by-step video instructions, click on the title link and you can cook along with me in the kitchen!

©Doing it in the Kitchen 2009

Fluffy Pancake Recipe

1 1/4 cups flour

1 egg

1 1/4 cups buttermilk or milk

1/4 cup sugar

1 1/2 tsp baking powder

1 tsp baking soda

1/4 cup canola oil

dash of salt

Measure and add all ingredients in a medium sized bowl. Whisk until blended. The batter should be the consistency of a milkshake. If it looks runny, add a tablespoon of flour to ensure it is thick enough. Heat up a flat frying pan or griddle. Brush the pan with oil or butter when hot. Adjust the temperature to a medium heat. Using a ladle, pour a spoonful-size of pancake batter into the pan. Pancakes should be roughly 3-4" in diameter. Cook for 1-2 minutes. Once small bubbles appear on the surface of the cooking batter, flip pancakes over with a spatula. Cook for roughly 1-2 minutes more. Makes 20-22 pancakes!

Deep Dish Pizza

2008-08-21T21:14:00.000-07:00

My husband had an impromptu trip to Chicago the other day so that got me thinking about Chicago-style deep dish pizza. One of our favorite pizza places in the Bay Area is called Zachary's. They don't take reservations and are always slammed. Since I had been there so many times, I decided to recreate their famous "Good Health" style pizza. Whole wheat crust, low-fat Mozzarella, filled with chicken and spinach. It came out pretty well, but I made the crust way too thick on the sides.

• Preheat the oven to 475.

• Start off with chunky tomato sauce. Added fresh basil, oregano, red pepper flakes and garlic.

• Saute garlic and add cubed chicken.

• Knead whole wheat pizza dough. I used two balls of dough but in hindsight that was too much and made the walls of the pizza too thick. Next time I'll use 1.5 balls.

• Spin the pizza dough in the air. This is mandatory.

• Sprinkle cornmeal on a pizza pan or cake pan with removable sides.

• Line the pan with dough, bringing it as far up the side as possible.

• Place a layer of chicken on the dough, followed by fresh sliced mozzarella and a layer of spinach leaves.

• Add another layer of mozzarella and press down.

• Roll out a circle of dough until it is very thin. This is the second "middle" layer in all of Zachery's pizzas. Lay it on top of the mozzarella and tear small .5" holes in it.

• Top with tomato sauce.

• Bake for roughly 45 minutes.

i can romantcize cheezburger?

2008-05-16T09:03:00.000-07:00

my husband and i were laying in bed the other night, when he commented on how i spontaneously come up with little ditties to sing to our 4 month old.

"you should be a lyricist," he said. "i like that bumblebee song."

"i'm not that good, i prefer writing haikus. it's easy poetry," i said.

"i bet you are better than you think. Quick," he said, "come up with a poem about a cheeseburger."

hmm, i wasn't sure where to begin. i thought of the items that comprise a typical cheeseburger. melted cheese, bread, pickles...

"Okay, here goes..."

hot succulent meat

dripping with juice

warm and salty on my tongue

want you inside me

"Woah there," he said, "that's not a poem about a cheeseburger. that's gay porn!"

i think i'll just stick to haikus :/

Look what I found in my Vitamins

2008-04-13T22:42:00.000-07:00

It's scary to see three Lilliputian people staring back at you when you least expect it!

Why Starbucks Just Works

2008-03-13T10:23:00.000-07:00

I don't go to Starbucks. Or Peet's. Or any other coffee house in the Bay Area. (The Grove being the ocassional exception). I don't even drink caffeinated beverages. (Muy caliente Spanish hot chocolate which I became addicted to in Spain being another ocassional exception). I don't buy Starbucks ground coffee or products or have any affiliation with them (Although I used to design Starbucks product for their stores, but that's another minor exception). But, I do admire their ability to tap into people's need for belonging, as Bryant Simon wonderfully illustrates in this presentation.

Lil Roc Stars in his First Rap Vid

2008-03-08T22:59:00.000-08:00

Is this fur real?

2008-03-07T22:29:00.000-08:00

A puppy with a heart shaped pattern on his coat! He was born in May to a breeder in Odate, Northern Japan. His name is Heart-kun. Is this the magic of Mother Nature or Photoshop?

Thirsty anyone?

2008-03-07T21:21:00.000-08:00

So here's the thing...

Our darling angel eats 4 oz at each feeding. Doesn't sound like a lot, huh? But for an 8 lb kid who needs to eat every 3-4 hours, that's a healthy appetite. How healthy? I did some calculations and...

That's like a 170 lb person chugging 15 Big Gulps a day!!!

Rollin' on 16's

2008-02-29T15:40:00.000-08:00

No ghetto hooptie for our baby...

Little Roc's got some new wheels!

The sum of it all

2006-09-08T23:58:00.000-07:00

9/8

I decided to create a video of our trip to NY and JBeez helped me put it together. He taught me about the different effects offered in iMovie. After all, he is in the film biz.

Off to DC

2006-08-31T21:00:00.000-07:00

8/31

I took Lexy to the airport and we both got there very early. Since my flight was domestic and hers was international, we had to part ways and sit at our respective gates alone. It started to rain and my flight sat on the tarmack for 2 hours before finally taking off for Dulles. My brother met me at the airport and off we went to his apartment. He lives in Columbia Heights, a neighborhood he calls "transitional" but I would call "scary".

I spent most of my time walking from museum to museum, spending quite a bit of time at the newly opened National Portrait Gallery and The Holocaust Museum. We had dinner at an Ethiopian restaurant, of which there are many in D.C. I don't particularly care for using injera bread to mop up soupy food since it drips all over my hands. But the cubed beef was well seasoned. My brother met me at the train station, with my train ticket already purchased for me. What a sweet brother! His office had a power outage so he had some time to kill that morning. I took the train to Baltimore and hopped my Southwest flight home.

When Walker picked me up from the airport we went straight to Zachary's. I told our waiter we just came back from New York and there wasn't any comparison to the pizza at this Berkeley institution. "I'm from Manhattan," he said. "and I couldn't agree more. Welcome home".

Parting ways

2006-08-30T18:41:00.000-07:00

8/30

The last breakfast we had was at Cafe Habana, another revamped coffee shop, although this was more the real deal. Huevos rancheros, Torto De Quesos and grilled corn on the cob started our day in a proper Cuban style. We spent the rest of the afternoon wandering around the East Village, checking out all of JB's favorite shops. How did this metrosexual LA transplant come to know all the trendy women's clothing stores? From his girlfriend, whose mantra was weekends-are-strictly-for-shopping. Chant and repeat.

Our mission was to find Lexy a cool new bag for her Junior year in high school. We walked into Keito, an upscale (note—expensive) leather goods and shoe store on West Broadway. Lexy found a brown leather hobo sewn with a pattern of turquoise stones and gold studs. What happened to your standard $30 Target backpack? She put it on her shoulder and walked over to me. "It's on sale!", she squealed. A salesman dressed in head to toe black appeared by her side and chimed, "60 percent!" Indeed, everything in the store was discounted from their exorbitant prices. I looked at the pricetag. What a bargain, only $395. "It looks New Mexican or something," I said to the man in black, struggling for the right comparison. "Southwestern-ish", I said. The salesman looked offended, but didn't say anything. We were having a staredown. "It's...", he paused, "Indian or Middle Eastern, but definitely not Southwestern." I looked at the bag. If we got it for her, then we didn't have to shop anymore which was a blessing, plus maybe we could hit another place to eat before we left. I looked around for JB, hoping he would take on the role of mean old uncle and strike this purchase down! Instead he was slouched on a chair staring off into space. "Do you take Amex?", I said. Lexy beamed.

Abercrombie - here we come!

2006-08-29T18:05:00.000-07:00

8/29

Walker was heading back home today so we grabbed some breakfast before he left for California. We walked 4 blocks to a cute cafe, Walker complaining the entire time about the noisy city and how far you had to walk everywhere. We all had poached eggs on thick homemade toasted bread, with sauteed mushrooms and peppers. Walker grumbled as he ate while the rest of us cheerfully licked our plates clean.

"Good riddance! I mean have a good flight!" JB said to Walker as he sent him off to Penn Station. I picked up where Walker left off. "This weather sucks," I said. "How much further do we have to walk?" I whined.

We hopped on the subway and headed uptown to shop. I should probably mention right about now that Lexy lives in Switzerland. And since there aren't any A&F's in Switzerland, Lexy saved up all of her trip money for a shopping spree. A muscular college age kid straight from an A&F catalog was greeting everyone at the entrance - minus his shirt. I tried to get Lexy to pose with him, but she shyed away. JB secured a comfy leather chair in the A&F lobby and we raced off to the jeans counter. Two hours and a dressing room fiasco later, we dropped an enormous pile of clothes at JB's feet. As he started mentally calculating the totals, he warned Lexy that she was buying too much. She texted her mom and informed us that she had indeed been given permission to spend all of her cash, and perhaps JB or I could pay the balance? "You can't buy this all," JB said. Lexy put away a small pile of clothes. "I won't take these," she said. "Maybe put the belt away too," I said. A cool thousand dollars later, we left A&F with stuffed shopping bags and a very happy Princess Lexy.

We spent the rest of the day shopping at Dylan's Candy Bar, Pylones and the MOMA art store. In the evening we ate at The Coffee Shop. JB warned us that the waitresses were really models or actresses, so expect crappy service. Lexy ordered a Guarana, but the waitress heard wrong and plopped a Corona in front of her. Being the good girl that she is, she sent it back and patiently waited for her non-alcoholic drink.

Working it uptown

2006-08-28T19:37:00.000-07:00

8/28

We met at The City Bakery on 18th Street for breakfast. The layout in the back of the cafe resembled a buffet setup. "How does this place work?", Walker asked. "What do you mean?" JB retorted. "You've never eaten breakfast before?" Ugh, the day was off to a cheeky start.

When we left the bakery it was pouring. With only 2 umbrellas between the 4 of us, we huddled together and made our way to the subway. I soon realized JB was a major umbrella hog. I was getting soaked, so I made sure to alway's have a grip on the umbrella handle, constantly putting pressure to keep it evenly centered between us. I wished it would stop raining because my wrists were getting tired.

First stop - Columbia University. There were tons of students milling around, making it easy for all of us to blend in on moving day. Lexy was super smart, but lived in Europe, so we were trying to woo her to The States for college. She could choose between 2 schools, we told her - Columbia or Stanford. "What about Oxford?", she asked. At the top of her class with straight A's, the only B's in her life were beauty, brains and boys.

We walked over to a large neo-classical building on our way towards the Hudson River. Walker needed to use the restroom, so we waited at the foot of the building's steps while he and JB went inside. "Hey you guys, come up here!", JB called to me and Lexy. We raced up the stairs. "This is Grant's Tomb!", he said.

"Hey Walker, whose buried in Grant's Tomb?", I giggled. "I don't know," he said puzzedly, "Who?"

We jumped in a taxi and headed to Central Park. Next stop was MOMA. We got in line as it snaked around and tried to work a discount on the steep $20 admission. With some very convincing whining, we were let in at the student rate and spent a couple of hours touring the museum and the MOMA store. The museum is rather small, at least compared with the ones in DC, where I was going in a few days. I was quite surprised at how small Dali's "The Persistence of Memory" painting was. I bought some houseware gifts at the MOMA store.

We headed back to our hotel to get ready for dinner. We were meeting our posse at Buddakan on 9th Street. The space was designed with an unusual theme. From the models-by-day hostesses that stand behind a long black wall-to-wall airport style check-in counter to the grand main dining room with oversized chandeliers hanging from two-story ceilings to the waiters with the spikey mohawks, this place was jammin' with see-and-be-seens. The food came out at lightning speed. No sooner had we given our menus to the waiter, the first appetizer was making it's way down the dimly lit hall. I had the best eggplant dish ever here. Fried triangular eggplant sections served piping hot with caramelized pineapple chunks. Nobody seemed to like the mashed edamame potstickers, so I happily gobbled up what was left on the plate. I have a penchant for sweet, mushy food like polenta, oatmeal and rice pudding, so the potstickers were just what I liked.

My friend had recommended Buddha Bar for dinner, but JB suggested drinks there instead. Had he forgotten we had a 15 year old girl in tow? Walker and I poked our heads inside Buddha Bar, which was blasting some very cool trancy lounge music, and decided it was too big and Vegas-ey for us. We walked around the Meatpacking district, with JB pointing out all of his favorite cafes. We stopped into one for some ice cream to fuel our nightly Karaoke hunt. Since Columbia and NYU were starting that following week, the city was teeming with 18-21 year olds and I knew it would be easy to get Lexy into a Karaoke club. We walked into one, put our name down on the list and waited. And waited and waited. After surviving an ear-piercing version of "I'm a redneck woman" we had to leave. We were determined to find a karaoke bar and around 11pm we headed into a small bar with lots of young girls hanging around outside. We parted the heavy velvet curtains and I quickly walked over to the DJ to put Lexy's name down. Half an hour later it was finally her turn to sing! We positioned her away from the masses so nobody would suspect her age. She spent the whole half hour drinking water and sucking ice cubes, to keep her voice in tip top shape for the drunken frat guys. She belted out "Fever" and we sauntered out as the drunken sorority girls got ready for their upteenth Alanis Morisette song.

Let the feasting begin

2006-08-27T22:00:00.000-07:00

8/27/06

Our 2 restful nights in New Jersey did not adequately prepare us for the whirlwind escapades that were in store for us. We met JB, my brother-in-law, and Lexy, my niece, across from Whole Foods in lower Manhattan, near Union Square.
"The critics have arrived!", JB exclaimed. "First stop — the best brunch in town." We made our way to Mogador's, a busy breakfast spot with Middle-Eastern fare. We all ordered a modification of the same type of dish - poached organic eggs drizzled with tomato sauce, a green salad and zatar-spiced pita bread. It started to rain, but we chose to sit outside anyways since we had decided that New Yorkers don't let the weather ruin their Sundays. And when in Rome...

After brunch, we followed JB's lead as he guided us to all of his favorite spots in Lower Manhattan. We window-shopped and took in the sites. The whole time we had to steer clear of the puddles near each curb for fear a speedy taxi would spray us with dirty puddle-water. And I was wearing white jeans, which barely survived the trip - the hem is permanently stained gray now, my souvenir from the streets of New York. A couple of hours passed and JB decided it was time for our first slice. Famous Joe's. Wafer-thin with a crispy yet slightly chewy crust, this was good pizza. Walker was skeptical. "Berkeley is better," he snorted a little too loudly. I winced and nervously checked the faces of our fellow diners. Nobody else heard him but us. JB was aghast. "You know," he retorted, "you're such a curmudgeon." Fellas, take it outside!

We stopped into Cafe Ari on Greenwich Avenue for some sparkling juice and a break from the rain. Besides the barely audible mood music, the only sounds were the quiet keyboard clickety-clacks of a roomful of twenty-somethings. The motto should have been "No iPod, No PowerBook, No Service". I don't know why, but we were pretty giddy from our adventures so far and it was difficult to turn our volume down at the cafe. We laughed, joked, giggled, analyzed the ingredients on Fuzio juice drinks, took endless photos with our cell phones and snickered until Lexy suddenly whispered, "Do you realize we are the only ones making any noise?" We took a look around and busted up laughing. Break over - time for us to move on!

We headed back to JB's apartment and decided to hang out at the rooftop pool. We dodged the security guard and snuck up to the roof to take photos of the amazing view. Then it was time to get ready for dinner. JB had a surprise for us. We were going to what I thought was a take-out only taco stand, which was fine by me since we were on a "best of" tour. We arrived at a narrow structure which resembled a converted taqueria and sat on some stools watching the cooks put tortillas on the griddle. Before I knew it, JB was summoning us all behind a large steel door. "What the heck?" we all thought as we were escorted down some cement stairs. We were getting further underground, turning left here and turning right there until we walked right through a basement kitchen, nodding to the busboys as we strolled past. We turned another corner and came upon a dungeon! We walked past a long black bar. It had heavy candleabras supporting fat white candles that had melted in sandcastle shapes all over the bar. JB claimed the interior design cost over seven figures. We were seated at a corner table and started to soak in the place. The walls had exposed brick and wood beams. Hanging from the ceiling were metal pails. The restroom door was a huge sliding wooden plank. Seperating the different rooms were floor to ceiling black prison bars. "This place is amazing!" we all gushed. We ordered some appetizers and main dishes to share. I had a very good Michelado and tuna tartare tacos.

Lexy wanted to strut her stuff at a Karaoke bar, so we walked all over town looking for a place that didn't care about letting a 15 year old girl that looked very much like a 15 year old girl hang out at the bar and croon. "Come back at 11:30pm," one bar owner told us. 'Have to see ID's," said another. We decided to sneak into the oldest bar in New York. We sauntered into McSorley's and ordered 2 dark ales. "And a milkshake. What flavor is that?" JB asked, pointing to a glass mug filled with a buttery-yellow mixture. "That's mustard," the waiter said. Hey, it was dark in the bar and we had dessert on the brain. We quickly switched the subject. "You're the youngest girl in the oldest bar in New York!" JB toasted. We clinked our mugs, guzzled down the brew and sneaked out of the bar hoping Lexy would stay unnoticed for another 30 seconds.
Not wanting to let our karaoke letdown get the better of us, Walker had the great idea of going to a comedy club. "I've seen the funniest comedians in New York," he reminisced. We walked down the stairs of a tiny club. Colin Quinn was on stage, but the show as sold out. We found another club and talked down the $20 admission to $5 a piece and made our way inside the dark, empty club. "Fellow Monday night drinkers!" the MC shouted. I had forgotten that it was Monday night. Perhaps that's why there were only 10 people in the audience. The comedy became progressively worse until Walker asked Lexy if she had heard enough gutter humor and she nodded. We decided to leave. Mental note: Don't ever order a martini at a comedy club. Imagine liquified Watermelon Jolly Ranchers mixed with cheap vodka.

The night was still young, only midnight, so we stopped into Otto's for some gelato. Seated at the bar, we couldn't help but notice the Margherita pizza our neighbor ordered. A wafer-thin crust brushed with a deep red tomato puree, bubbly mozzarella and fresh basil leaves looked delicious. "We have to come back here for dinner," I said. Meanwhile we savored the desserts in front of us. I had sweet corn gelato and a budino, which was a rich and creamy chocolate hazelnut pudding. I wanted to try the olive oil gelato sprinkled with sea salt but nobody else was interested. 

Making our way to NYC by way of Jersey

2006-08-26T22:32:00.000-07:00

8/26

On Friday, we flew into Islip and started to make our way to the house of a college buddy in Summit, New Jersey. Why didn't we just fly into Newark — only 10 minutes from our friend's house — like normal people, you ask? Because airlines reserve the privilege of long layovers, multiple stops and out of the way airports for those that fly using miles. Since we were flying for free, we were doomed to quietly suffer.

10 hours later we landed at Islip and called for an Alamo rep to take us to the reservation desk. A van showed up, driven by a 20 year old kid who obviously liked taking Alamo customers for joy rides. He sped through several pitch dark, empty streets, cutting through parking lots and turning corners at 30 mph before screeching to a halt in front of the Ronkonkoma Holiday Inn. It was 10 pm and we were pretty hungry. We jumped into our white Nissan rental, which was very zippy I must say, causing us to drive very similarly to the Alamo kid, and went straight to the nearest mini mall we could find. A few miles down the road we spotted an Italian deli. We went in and ordered a Stromboli. Neither of us had ever eaten one of these, but it was sort of like a pizza sandwich dripping with oil. The first New York chow of the day and it was pretty good.

My husband drove while I navigated using my handy Google map directions, which I printed out prior to departing. We stopped at a Starbucks where I think I ordered the very first non-fat, decaf, no cream, extra hot mocha in Ronkokoma. The befuddled yet pleasant college kids behind the counter told me that all roads to Manhatten are well-marked, so our drive to New Jersey would be easy. Well, we soon realized that "well-marked" is a term open to interperetation. Yes, New York highways do have large signs directly above each interchange or offramp, which one could consider to be a well-marked exit. But what they don't have are any signs leading to the exit. Since there was no time for preperation, we were always on the alert, ready to swerve across all lanes necessary like wild-eyed nocturnal cats hunting prey. Don't get me wrong, my husband and I both grew up in LA, accustomed to road rage and nutty drivers. But the huge delivery trucks flooring past and the swerving 1978 white limo flashing for us to get out of the way, transformed Walker and I into Dionne and Cher from the famous freeway scene in Clueless.

90 minutes and no mistakes later we arrived in Summit, New Jersey, following the wildest directions that spanned almost every famous NY and NJ bridge, expressway and tunnel that we'd seen in the movies.

We were spending two nights with Brian and Michelle in their cute new house in Summit. "Is the Soprano's house near here?," I asked as soon as we arrived. What else is there to do in New Jersey? Since the weather in Summit was cloudy but not rainy, we decided to walk around town. Summit is a very cute neighborhood, similar to towns in Northern California. But the key difference is that Summit's main center has a different bank on nearly every street corner. This means no less than 7 different bank branches. Michelle mentioned that each time she sees a "coming soon" sign in a store window, she hopes for a bookstore, which the town has none of. Perhaps since New Jersey is the richest state in the union, there can never be enough banks to store one's wealth.

We spent the rest of the day hiking near a local park with our friends and their two Labradoodles, Cooper and King. Despite the dogs generally good manners, each person that we passed would get both dogs wound up; one would bark, then the other would chime in, soon unleashing a nonstop barking frenzy. Unfortunately for our sensitive ears, we passed a lot of people on our way to the park. Walker pointed out that "mellow" is not usually a quality people consider when choosing a pet, and we'll never take our own dog's mellowness for granted again.

Search for the perfect NY slice

2006-08-25T20:00:00.000-07:00

8/25

When JB, my brother-in-law, came to visit San Francisco several months ago, we were eager to prove that SF had just as good, if not better pizza than New York. We proposed taking him on a slice tour to see how the West Coast compared. "We can start with Cheeseboard and then polish off a slice at Arinell's," I proposed. He had lived in SF for several years before moving to Manhattan's West Village, so he wasn't easily falling for our pizza theory. "The best New York style pizza is in Berkeley," I said. "Yeah, right," was his reply, "There's no way — New York's the king pizza city. But, I'll do Zachary's while I'm here. Come visit me and I'll prove that the best pizza is in New York." Was this a dare? No time to waste. We booked our flights and the competition was on.

The 5 rules of NYC

1. Alway's carry cash no matter what people tell you

2. Alway's be walking

3. Time is money

4. You make your own traffic lights

And since this was a gastronomical adventure, I needed to add a fifth rule:

5. You're only as good as your recommendations